


all of this seems like a dream

by towokuwusatsuwu



Category: Kamen Rider W (Double)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Dreams and Nightmares, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, spousal abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 23:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11839575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towokuwusatsuwu/pseuds/towokuwusatsuwu
Summary: Shotaro finds Kirihiko late one night after a bad dream.





	all of this seems like a dream

**Author's Note:**

> Shotaro/Kirihiko + "Things you said when it was raining."

The office is small, thankfully. When Shotaro wakes up with a startled snort from another nightmare and finds the other half of the small bed empty, he doesn’t have to look hard to find where their new housemate has disappeared to. Kirihiko sits at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around a mug of what smells like better coffee than Shotaro has ever made.

He leans against the doorway, not sure what to say, what to ask. The two of them have been dancing around each other and the state that Shotaro found Kirihiko in nearly a month ago— bruised and bloodied and on the verge of death. It was only because Shotaro trusted his gut and went looking for Kirihiko that he saw the blast from the streets, the attack that belongs to the Taboo Dopant. He doesn’t have to like the woman to be thankful to have encountered her enough times to recognize her attack and recognize what it might mean for his newfound friend.

“Did I wake you making coffee?” Kirihiko asks so softly that Shotaro almost doesn’t hear him, and he realizes the reason why is that the peace of the night has been disturbed by rain.

“No, I just… Had another nightmare, I guess.” Shotaro wrinkles his nose at the sound of rain pattering against the rooftop and runs a hand through his sleep-rumpled hair. Maybe he should just go back to sleep. Or maybe he should figure out why Kirihiko is awake this late. He isn’t sure what would be crossing the line. “Do you, uh… Is everything okay?”

Kirihiko sighs, another sound almost lost, before giving his head a small shake. “No, Shotaro, it isn’t. I could lie to you and tell you it is, but I think you know better than that.”

“Most people don’t get out of bed in the middle of the night and make coffee.” Shotaro makes his way over to the pot, pouring himself a cup before taking a seat at the table.

“I suppose you’re right there. They don’t.” Kirihiko leans back in his chair, wincing in the process, and Shotaro can’t help the furrow that appears between his eyebrows. “I, too, had a nightmare.”

This information does not exactly surprise Shotaro, but he does surprise himself in leaning across the table, his fingers brushing over Kirihiko’s before he presses his hand against the other man’s, the most comfort he can offer right now, and the simplest, something even his sometimes poor way with words cannot possibly misconstrue. He does feel for Kirihiko, more than he probably should for a former enemy, but Kirihiko… He’s a friend now.

Kirihiko moves his hand, not brushing Shotaro’s away, but laying his out on the table and Shotaro takes the hint, lacing their fingers together. “I am genuinely sorry for all of the trouble I caused you. I know I’ve said that plenty of times but I feel I can’t apologize enough for that.”

“Don’t make it awkward. You’re our ally now.” Shotaro watches the way Kirihiko smiles sadly and shakes his head immediately. “Don’t. You are. I’m happy to have you here.”

“What about your partner?” Kirihiko looks up at him, and his gaze is almost piercing. Has he been worried about this? “What does Philip have to say about this arrangement?”

Shotaro squeezes his hand. The last thing he wants is for Kirihiko to be anxious when everything has worked out so much better for them than he ever imagined. “Philip’s fine with it. As long as you don’t disturb him when he’s researching, he doesn’t mind… Anything, almost.”

“That’s good.” Kirihiko releases a breath that Shotaro had not noticed him holding, lifting his cup to his lips to take a sip. If Shotaro watches his mouth a little more closely than he should, Kirihiko says nothing about it. “I was worried about that. That I would be… An intruder here.”

“No.” Shotaro says it maybe a little more forcefully than he should and tries to force a casual smile to softer the sharpness of the word. “You aren’t, really. You needed somewhere to stay and someone to take you in after what happened. You did the right thing, Kirihiko.”

When Kirihiko smiles this time, it’s not as sad. Shotaro might be imagining it, but he even looks a bit fond. “I did my best with the information at my disposal. I’m glad you approve of my choice.”

A flash of lightning and a roll of thunder signal the beginning of a downpour, an actual storm rolling in, and Kirihiko jumps, sucking in a sharp breath at the sound. Shotaro pushes his cup aside, taking both of Kirihiko’s hands in his, rubbing comforting circles into his skin with his thumbs until Kirihiko calms down, until the tension eases out of his shoulders. He has questions, so many questions, but none of them are okay for him to ask. He knows that much.

“Sorry. It’s been a long night for me already.” Kirihiko doesn’t let Shotaro’s hands go, though, only squeezes them and holds on to them. “Thank you for checking up on me.”

Shotaro shrugs. “Of course I was going to check up on you. I couldn’t just… Leave you like this.” He doesn’t know how else to phrase it, the need to check up on Kirihiko, to make sure he’s safe, to make sure he’s all right. “Are you going to come back to bed?”

Kirihiko hesitates before pushing himself up with a nod, and Shotaro downs his coffee in a few quick gulps so he can follow, letting Kirihiko situate himself on the mattress before laying down next to him. The space is small, which requires the two of them to be pressed almost flush against each other, but Shotaro doesn’t mind it as much as he probably should.

Their heads up leaning against each other and Shotaro tries to look anywhere but into Kirihiko’s eyes, but with him this close he doesn’t have another choice. He tries to crack a smile even as he feels the heat rise in his cheeks. “Sorry the bed’s small. The boss lived here alone.”

“It’s really fine. I don’t mind the closeness. It’s almost a comfort because…” Kirihiko trails off, and Shotaro doesn’t expect to him to finish, but he does. “Saeko was not a warm person.”

“Oh.” Shotaro doesn’t know what to say to that. He never had the impression she was a warm or loving person and was shocked to find out she was married. When he got to know Kirihiko better, he was astounded. “I’m sorry. I… You must have cared about her a lot.”

Kirihiko is quiet for a moment before stretching out a hand, resting it almost tentatively on Shotaro’s shoulder, hand molding to fit the curve. “I did, but she didn’t care about me, and I’m better off without her. Even if that hurts to think about sometimes, that I could love her so much and she never loved me at all, I know now that I’m better off without her.”

“You are. And you’re here with us and you’re getting better.” Shotaro shudders when Kirihiko squeezes his shoulder. “That memory was getting ready to kill you.”

When Kirihiko laughs, the sound is hollow. “If you hadn’t saved me, I don’t think I would have minded dying. In that moment, I didn’t have anything else left.”

“You’ll always have Futo.” It rolls off of Shotaro’s tongue before he can think about it and he squeezes his eyes shut at himself. Philip would have soundly mocked him for that.

To his surprise, though, Kirihiko chuckles. “But you’re right. I do have the city, and I love this city, and I want to help you protect the people in it if I can be of any service in doing so.”

“Of course you can.” Shotaro chances resting his hand at Kirihiko’s waist. “There’s ways to help.”

He’s almost distracted from the conversation by the discovery that Kirihiko’s shirt has ridden up when he’s lain down, that Shotaro’s fingers are on bare warm skin, smooth and soft under his fingertips. A part of him— tucked away at the back of his mind where there could be no chance of corrupting his mission— had always thought Kirihiko was handsome. How could anyone look at that face and think anything less than that he’s beautiful? Shotaro doubts it’s possible.

But he never expected to have Kirihiko in his bed, living in the office with him and Philip, with nothing really left in his former life for him to go back to. He didn’t expect to be the person who would offer him comfort in the middle of the night when he needed it after a bad dream, and Shotaro doesn’t know how to explain how it makes him feel. He might not have the words.

“Is this all right? I don’t want to push any of your boundaries,” Kirihiko murmurs, wrapping his arm around Shotaro’s shoulders, decreasing the space between them quite a bit more than Shotaro expected. He swallows the lump in his throat and shakes his head, and Kirihiko smiles warmly, pressing their foreheads together. “Thank you for this, Shotaro. This comfort.”

“Really, I’m more than happy to help.” Shotaro chances again, letting his hand smooth around Kirihiko’s hip to rest in the small of his back, bringing their bodies fully together.

He would have been happy to lay just like this for the rest of the night, but Kirihiko wriggles enough to get his head up under Shotaro’s chin, and Shotaro has to bite down on his tongue to muffle a squeak. He can feel Kirihiko’s warm breath curling against the front of his front and squeezes his eyes shut, telling himself to relax. Part of him always wanted this, after all.

In only a few minutes, Kirihiko seems to drift off to sleep, his breathing slow and even, and Shotaro breathes a sigh of relief, letting himself relax as well. He wishes this could have happened under better circumstances, circumstances that did not involve dying and pain and the city they both love crying. He wishes he could have met Kirihiko in a different life where both of them didn’t have to lead double lives and hide things and lie to the people around them to keep secrets they have to keep for fear of what would happen if the information gets out.

His hand slides under Kirihiko’s shirt, rubbing soothing circles into the skin there, hoping to keep him relaxed, hoping he’s close enough that the nightmares don’t have enough room to get close.

But the situation is what it is, and there is little Shotaro can do to change it. It does him no good to linger on maybes and alternate worlds where perhaps the two of them met under better conditions, with nothing but happiness in them and around them. It doesn’t change the here and the now, the struggle of keeping Futo safe, of keeping Kirihiko safe from Saeko. Shotaro promised him he wouldn’t let anything happen to him when he was barely alive in his arms.

He meant it then. He means it now. Nothing is going to come between him and the promise he made to Kirihiko Sudo. He’s not going to let it.


End file.
